Remember the movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back? It’s the story of Stella, a woman in her forties, and Winston, a young chef’s assistant 20 years her junior who she hooks up with on vacation. I vividly remember the film and how excellently it portrayed the sexual relationship between Stella and Winston. But can you imagine if Stella got an STD on this trip? This love story would have turned into a nightmare. And it probably would have been a harder sell to movie audiences.
You see, I can relate to Stella. I haven’t had a movie made about my trip to Jamaica. But I am a MILF (Mother I’d Like to F***). I don’t have any kids, but most people assume I do. I’m old and sexy, so I put myself in that category of MILF. Now that I’m in my 40s, I’ve discovered that a group of young men love sexy and old. So I find myself constantly dating men who are younger than I am. I mean, ten years younger than I am and more, which is why I’m concerned about STDs. While young people still think they’re invincible, I’m old enough to insist on getting tested before having sex with every new partner. Call me old-fashioned.
I’m also a healthcare professional who knows patients with STDs and their inability to fight other medical conditions like cancer or an autoimmune illness. There’s not much sexy about that. While I fully understand that age might not be a relevant factor in your love life right now, your health should be. These days, women have beautiful resources like at home STD kits to help keep us safe and allow us to live our own love stories, just like Stella.
Why Should You Get An At Home STD Test?
According to the World Health Organization, there are over 30 sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and 8 of them are the most prevalent. And no, despite what some people in the dating scene are doing, this isn’t Pokemon; you shouldn’t be trying to catch them all. Of these, 4 are currently curable: syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and trichomoniasis. The other 4 are incurable viral infections: hepatitis B, herpes simplex virus (HSV), HIV, and human papillomavirus (HPV). Of these 8 infections, only syphilis is symptomatic. You can go days, weeks, months, or years and not show symptoms for the other 7 infections. It’s like stomach gasses, the ones you can’t initially detect that are the worst. In the case of herpes, you may never show signs. STD can also be transmitted from mother to child via pregnancy, childbirth, or breastfeeding, leading to stillbirth, neonatal death, low-birth weight, prematurity, sepsis, neonatal conjunctivitis, and congenital deformities. Every day more than 1 million STDs are acquired worldwide. And that’s not just from Charlie Sheen.
When was the last time you got tested? How do you know you don’t have an STD?
According to the CDC, chlamydia, and gonorrhea, if left untreated, can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) in women and infertility in men and women. In addition, 2.4 million cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis were reported in the United States in 2020 alone.
HPV can cause cancer of the cervix, vulva, vagina, penis, anus, throat, tongue, or tonsils. Genital warts can also develop and lead to other health problems from a weakened immune system. Good luck getting your Instagram filter to hide that.
All this information might give you instant diarrhea, but you can get tested and give yourself peace of mind. Know your status so you can focus on your bedroom rompings. Peace of mind is essential when doing the Upstanding Citizen, Wheelbarrow, and the Pinball Wizard sex positions. These are bucket list sex positions. But best not to google these ones at work.
How To Get Tested For STDs?
I prefer to get my partner and me tested using an at home STD Test. I know you think it’s easier to go to a doctor’s office, but have you tried getting a man to go to a doctor’s office without his eyeballs falling out? It’s not my job to change a man. It’s my job to enjoy him. I don’t want the hassles of making an appointment and then waiting. Then go to the doctor’s office and wait some more. With you and your young boo trying not to look at the other people in the waiting room. Exciting times! Like with most things these days, it’s better to do your work from home.
So, I ordered an STD at home test kit from myLAB box called the Love Box. They have test kits for male-male, female-female, and male-female couples. If you want to check out other STD test kids on the market, check out this article Best at home STD test kits. Again, maybe avoid searching this one at work as well. The love box is an eight-panel test kit that tests for eight types of STDs. We collect the sample at home and mail it to be tested in a lab. Results are completed in one to five business days. The collection includes blood collection using a finger prick, a urine sample for men, and a vaginal swab for women. I didn’t say it was sexy, it’ll help you get sexy in the long run. The collection is private, and the results are confidential. So my young boo and I made a date out of it. We collected the samples, mailed them, and then hung out. After getting the results, we realized we were both clean and ready to go. Like making and eating a good sandwich, it was worth the wait.
If the test results show you’re positive for an STD, go to your doctor for treatment. I can’t imagine waiting in the doctor’s office for STD treatment, but you must put on your big girl panties and do what’s right. And because the doctor prefers not to see you in a thong.
This test is not covered by insurance. While I do have to pay out of pocket for this test, I can use FSA or HSA to pay for it.
My vagina had a very long resting period. But since I’m getting older, I’d like to use it more before I die. You know, like a classic car. I’m okay with getting old. It means you’re not dead yet. Now that STDs have been taken care of, Sister V can focus on her kegel exercises, lube, and kettlebell pull-ups.